A new EXPLETIVE post. Finally.

A friend of mine announced that she was completely giving up swearing for Lent. As quite a few of her Fb friends were predicting a massive failure, I was seized by the urge to participate and volunteered to give up swearing for Lent right along with her. The NON CATHOLIC. I dont have to give up SHIT, but I loves me a challenge, even if I just failed it miserably in this sentence.

I actually did fairly well for approximately two days, then slipped up with my dad because he knows exactly how to pull the pin on my crazy grenade - although, as expletive-laced slip-ups go, they hardly counted I didn't spew any F bombs. Since then, I've successfully avoided swearing.

Mostly.

Well, KINDA.

I have toyed with the idea of a swear jar every time I slip up. I've even considered giving the money to my kids, but I'm a little reluctant to tell them about the swear jar. I know they would just push my buttons in the hopes of racking up greater gains. Creeps...

Spewing expletives is relatively easy when I'm calm and clear-headed, even though twenty-some-odd years of expletive use and its mastery tends to get in the way of remembering all the non-vulgar substitutes. I mean who says "FUDGE YOU?" Come ON...The biggest trouble comes when I ram my toe into something and am hopping around in a fog of pain & anger or when I've been startled by a sudden loud noise, a phone ringing, dog barking or my kids come storming in the house when the baby is sleeping. Behind the wheel, it takes a MAJOR effort not to let loose with all of my favorite curse words when some motherloving, douchebagging, lack of logic suffering asshole moron cuts me off in traffic, flies past me because I'm driving the speed limit and he thinks obeying traffic laws is strictly for losers, OR nearly plows into my car because he's too busy surfing the Net and waves at me with one finger for daring to honk at him. It is nothing short of miraculous when I manage to bite back a few MOTHER EFFERS in that situation, but  you better believe I am thinking them. There's only so much I can reasonably do when confronted with the massive stupidity and carelessness of other human beings. People, as a whole SUCK. So anyway,

I've been trying to come up with creative alternatives to my favorite expletives but all I could come up with are these three gems from Looney Tunes:

Sufferin' succotash! Varmint! What a maroon!

Im thinking if I do actually use any of these sayings, I could very well get beat up. Unfortunately, my pledge to be expletive-free will have rendered me unable to speak it would seem.

Till we meet again friends...... <3

Thinking...

People say time heals all wounds. And what they're saying is that hopefully someday I'll get over losing one of my very close friends. They want me to believe that I am strong enough to overcome such a thing - he was just my friend, after all.

Pete was not just my friend. He was one of those very few people you meet and you know right away that this person comes from wherever you do, or is cut from whatever cloth you are, someone you share something absolutely essential to life and living it. The something Pete and I shared as friends wasn't visible or even expressed properly in words. And since he’s gone it’s even more impossible to explain.

Maybe it's just the kindest thing your brain can do for your heart - put a dull haze over the blindingly brilliant or hilarious moments you can’t have back so that your heart can forget how awesome it was that someone thought of you when he heard the lyrics to a fun song, or how special you felt when he hunted for just the right movie to make you laugh when he knew you hadn't laughed in so long, how sweet it was that he appreciated you put a slice of cheese on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich even if everyone else thought it was absolutely repulsive.

He took his own life on Thanksgiving morning in 2005. Over something that was truly senseless. He was desperate and made a permanent decision for a temporary problem. I still find it hard to believe I will never hear another one of his jokes, talk with him about our mutual love of the movie "The Crow" (it was borderline obsession on his part) or hear his highly contagious laughter again. It is something I will NEVER get over. I miss him. I miss his friendship. He deserved a long life with many blessings. Instead his depression swallowed him whole.

Sometimes I think “Pete would want me to smile,” and I try my best to be carefree and silly and happy in the way that we were before his death – even if it’s for a moment. But most of the time I don’t think Pete understood how much we would miss him. I feel like if he JUST KNEW how bad everyone would hurt he would have never made his choice. But I also know, no matter what his friends and family did to show him we loved him, he did not love himself enough. He had no idea how lucky I felt to have been a part of his world, even if it was for a few short years. I feel the same way about my dear friend Tierney. She was an amazing friend. And like Pete, I miss her support, her wicked sense of humor, her off the wall text messages, her ability to make you laugh so hard you shot liquids from your nose or mouth and couldnt breathe easily for a few minutes... I will always remember her smiling, her laughter and forever be grateful I knew her.

I miss them both terribly.