A new EXPLETIVE post. Finally.

A friend of mine announced that she was completely giving up swearing for Lent. As quite a few of her Fb friends were predicting a massive failure, I was seized by the urge to participate and volunteered to give up swearing for Lent right along with her. The NON CATHOLIC. I dont have to give up SHIT, but I loves me a challenge, even if I just failed it miserably in this sentence.

I actually did fairly well for approximately two days, then slipped up with my dad because he knows exactly how to pull the pin on my crazy grenade - although, as expletive-laced slip-ups go, they hardly counted I didn't spew any F bombs. Since then, I've successfully avoided swearing.

Mostly.

Well, KINDA.

I have toyed with the idea of a swear jar every time I slip up. I've even considered giving the money to my kids, but I'm a little reluctant to tell them about the swear jar. I know they would just push my buttons in the hopes of racking up greater gains. Creeps...

Spewing expletives is relatively easy when I'm calm and clear-headed, even though twenty-some-odd years of expletive use and its mastery tends to get in the way of remembering all the non-vulgar substitutes. I mean who says "FUDGE YOU?" Come ON...The biggest trouble comes when I ram my toe into something and am hopping around in a fog of pain & anger or when I've been startled by a sudden loud noise, a phone ringing, dog barking or my kids come storming in the house when the baby is sleeping. Behind the wheel, it takes a MAJOR effort not to let loose with all of my favorite curse words when some motherloving, douchebagging, lack of logic suffering asshole moron cuts me off in traffic, flies past me because I'm driving the speed limit and he thinks obeying traffic laws is strictly for losers, OR nearly plows into my car because he's too busy surfing the Net and waves at me with one finger for daring to honk at him. It is nothing short of miraculous when I manage to bite back a few MOTHER EFFERS in that situation, but  you better believe I am thinking them. There's only so much I can reasonably do when confronted with the massive stupidity and carelessness of other human beings. People, as a whole SUCK. So anyway,

I've been trying to come up with creative alternatives to my favorite expletives but all I could come up with are these three gems from Looney Tunes:

Sufferin' succotash! Varmint! What a maroon!

Im thinking if I do actually use any of these sayings, I could very well get beat up. Unfortunately, my pledge to be expletive-free will have rendered me unable to speak it would seem.

Till we meet again friends...... <3