February Funk. I HAZ IT.

Sometimes, it's really hard to take the saying "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" to heart.  Inevitably, lots of small things put together equal one big thing and your day officially blows big ass. "That's the last straw," you hear yourself yelling when you run out of milk or make a wrong turn or burn your finger on the stove. I find myself in this boat a lot.  Why is it so much easier to focus on all the negative little things in life than all the positive little things?  Take yesterday, for example. 

My Debbie Downer list included:
a cloudy, rainy, snowy craptastic day
nothing in the house for lunch
whines and tantrums from a certain two-year-old
Said two-year-old dropping what lunch I was able to make her in her lap because she was goofing off instead of eating...
a sad, depressed feeling that wouldn't go away
a horrific headache
the daunting task of meal planning and grocery list making was hanging over my head
a husband who was at work while I was marinating in my "bad" day

The thing is, it wasn't that bad of a day. But my brain kept track of those little things, adding them up and adding them up until I was ready to deliver a Rodney King style beatdown to the first person who looked at me wrong. Sometimes it's really hard to get off that negative path, but thanks to my camera and the ability it gives me to reminisce on the day through the lens, I can now see the tiny little good things that I should've been adding up instead.

Despite the dreary, snowy BLAH day, I managed to have some chill time with my middle and youngest chitlins.

We had a tea party.
We played with bubbles.
We created odd creatures with playdoh.
We got lost in about 6 books.
I got schooled in wrestling action figures.

The oldest came home and flew through his homework without a battle and even cleaned up dinner, his toys and took a shower. All without me skreetching at him. Be still my heart. I am thankful for the time I take to capture all the little moments in my children's lives. It seems like their childhoods are going by so quickly.

And while they are napping... I figured I would purge...

10 Things You Probably Don't Know About Me

1.  When I was in elementary school - either 7th or 8th grade, I think it was,I accidentally left a curling iron plugged in and shut the front door to my house, thus locking my dumb ass out. Panicked, I grabbed a fire extinguisher from my dads car (THATS A WHOLE NOTHER ISSUE...) and decided to throw it through the bay window. But not the WHOLE window.... an opening probably 2X2 feet wide. I wont post a picture of what I looked like back then, but you can pretty much guess, I wasnt gonna fit through a 2X2 opening. A neighbor came to my rescue and busted in the front door. All because of..... a fucking curling iron. My douchebaggery began that afternoon, many years ago...

2.  I have a sleeping disorder.  Nothing diagnosed, because I am convinced I'm the only person in the world with this problem. I cannot stand the sound of someone breathing/snoring while asleep.  It has caused me so many issues throughout my life as I've struggled to find places to sleep alone on vacations or at sleepovers.  I have slept in bathrooms and closets, I've used fans and earplugs...I have threated to shove random items into people's body cavities... Its pretty intense. So if you are a snorer, I am going to need you to shove a sock in your face if you plan on sleeping anywhere near me or expect some shit to go down. No joke. Hand across heart.

3.  I went through what I call a "rebellious" stage in high school, not in the form of drinking and drugs, but shoplifting and penciling my eyebrows and lip liner with brown/black Wet N Wild pencil... that more than likely - was stolen. I got a lot of free stuff, got caught twice, grounded twice, then my dad threatened to beat my ass if I did it again and then those stealing days ended.  As for the lips and brows, that came to an abrupt end. Probably when I couldnt steal it anymore. Someone should have handed me the memo sooner though. Without those sharpie hued eyebrows, I sort of resembled Robert Blake:

Frightening. I know.

4.  I had horrible nose bleeds as a child. I have no idea why I got them... probably the fear of yardwork or mum planting which was pretty much a weekend ritual in my house, caused them. Bloody nose or not, I was out in the lawn at the crack of dawn well before the sun was up digging holes for those freebies from McCormick Place.

5.  Childbirth was one of the best experiences of my life.  I absolutely loved my labor and delivery experiences.

6.  I long to be a stay-at-home-mom who does educational activities with her kids, who keeps her house clean, who is super creative and is constantly making new things, who cooks healthy meals each night, who maintains a positive attitude in almost every situation.  Oh wait, this woman doesn't exist. And if she does, fuck her. 

7.  I am addicted to Scrabble.

8.  I am an organic food whore.

9.  I'm a very nostalgic person.  I wish I could time travel or re-live some of the great moments of my childhood and teenage years.

10. My goal is to be the Tori Spelling of Northwest Indiana. Minus the horrible boob job and infidelity thing... I love her craftiness, her drive, her style and her dedication to her children.  Tori kicks ass.
Thats all she wrote folks.

Time's A Wastin'....

New year, new start. So what exactly does that mean… It means Im tired of saying I am going to do something and not really following through with it. It means I am tired of getting the same results because I am not doing what I set out to do.  After much soul searching I have finally… FINALLY set the wheels in motion for a new lifestyle for the REST of my life. My babies deserve a healthy mother that is here physically and mentally for them. They didn’t ask to be here, and I don’t have the RIGHT to leave them before I should.  And I feel…. GREAT.  Probably better than I ever have in my life.  

I have also learned a few things about myself in this process….THEY ARE:

Zumba classes give me the ability to dance my heart out, minus the hoochie clothes and heels, pour sweat like a fool and not worry about smeared makeup.. and have me feeling like the backup dancer J. Lo wishes she had. ::SNAP::

I am very pleased with the Indiana school system. I talk mad shit about some of the teachers my son has had, but in the end, they have been consistant and open and I love that.

Tomato paste in a tube is pretty awesome.

I dont give myself enough credit for the things I CAN and DO - do.

People will NEVER be what you keep wishing they would be. You can exert all the energy you want in hoping and wishing and wasting money by purchasing prayer candles at Walmart and a rosary to PRAY these people into what you wish they were, but in the end, they are - who they are.  You either decide you can tolerate the energy in your life, or you make the decision to remove them. My lesson is learning that although it is unfortunate, life goes on without people who should be there.

A container of Chobani in the morning gives me a happy, content toddler. At least until lunchtime when I inform her she cannot have another. Dealing with Reagan from “The Exorcist” would be a walk in the park.

Michael Jackson has become the seventh member of our family. His music is played daily in this house and there is a lot of crotch grabbing and “SHA-MON’S” being thrown around.

I have, in fact, worn my sunglasses at night.

I blame others for things I have the ability to and/are responsible for changing in my own life. I commit to not being locked in an emotional tug of war with the others who arent playing.  I let it go.

I am a total advocate for sensory based play. It is amazing.

Thats not sweat you see pouring down my face when Im running... Its tears.
The simple act of breathing is incredibly calming. Mediation is a 20 minute part of my day, EVERYday.

I am buying organic about 80% of the time and I am pretty geeked about doing the garden again this year and trying to grow a few new things.

My oldest son is a carbon copy of me artistically. He is my dreamer, my poet, my dancer, my creator, my painter, my child who has his head in the clouds at times, but knows what he wants.  

There are a SHITLOAD of uses for baking soda.

This may sound very geriatric of me, but I make some mean ass soup. So if you want some, stop by… with some bread.  And hand soap. I’m out of hand soap….

I wish I had friends who lived closer. Im not in the boonies, but without friends near – it sure feels like it. ::kicks banjo playing frog::

If left alone, I could eat an entire bushel of Cuties.  And I don’t give a shit if they are made “for kids”.

Butt sweat is pretty gross. Being behind someone in the gym who’s ass looks like they just sat in a puddle or lost bladder control will have you wishing you were Stevie Wonder. Im going to need you to put a towel between your cheeks please…

That’s all she wrote folks.  Whatever keeps you positive – DO IT, and do it well.

Parenthood.

It is the most terrifying thing a human being can enter into on the planet. To me at least. And some may think thats because once you become a parent you have to cut all your hair off and drive a mini van. I, think differently.

When the majority of my friends at the time were busy with schoolwork and part time jobs, I was already playing house. Out of school, working full time and had my much older boyfriend living with me. If I knew then what I know now - I would have drop kicked myself. Leaving that alone, I will move on to say one of the best things that ever happened to me back then was the discovery I was expecting my first child. In May of 2002 I delivered (rather quickly) a 6lb 10 oz blond haired, blue eyed baby boy who changed my life. I was amazed and absolutely petrified that I was a mother. After the nurses catered to me and pushed so hard on my stomach to make sure that handy dandy uterus was clamping back down that I wanted to claw their eyes out, I sat in my hospital bed and I cried and cried and just stared at my absolutely perfect baby boy and promised him I was going to give him the best life. And while it hasn't been perfect, I hope I have lived up to my promise. As women, we grow these perfectly innocent creatures for 9 months and then within minutes we hand them over to the mean and ugly world. I have welcomed 2 more children since he was born and while the love in my heart has grown with each of their births, so has my fear.

I am raising my children to be honest, open-minded, loving INDIVIDUALS. To treat others as they would want to be treated. To be decent and moral. I do not raise them with the belief that the minute they show that they are human and make a mistake that they will be banished to a firey pit for all eternity. BUT I am also selfish..... I am a mother. I want them never to know the pain of a broken heart. I want them to always excel at whatever it is they choose to do in life and always be financially able to provide for themselves and eventually their families. I want them all to have friends who support healthy, wise choices. I want them to always eat their vegetables, use their seat belts, turn down drinks before they are 21 and always be at my dinner table at 6 for the rest of their lives. Because I am SELFISH. It is not that I do not have faith that with the way I am raising my children they will not be able to make their own choices, because this is what my role is - to lay the foundation for them, so when my husband and I are not around they have that voice in their head (better known as mother's annoying shriek) that will help them make the right choice. The safe choice. The one they know in their heart of hearts is the right one to make. I'm just SELFISH and want to keep them protected. From everything. FOREVER.

I dont deal well with separation. I have a horrible anxiety disorder. I have abandonment issues. Hell Sandra has issues for DAYS and I have no clue what I am going to be like when my children are teens and their friends have more influence over them than I do. I will be heartbroken. I will want to sit perched on their shoulders like the annoying red headed parrot they never wanted. It is a chapter of my life I am not prepared for. But as I sit here suffering through another night of insomnia with these irrational "what-if" fears going through my mind, my babies are in their beds, still innocent, still clueless to all the things that await them with puberty and adulthood, and tomorrow will wake up thinking I hung the sunshine in the sky for them and thats the magic I dont ever want my kids to lose. I just want them to enjoy being children. They have their whole lives to be adults.  My father gave me the best life he knew how too and could. Me saying I want better for my children in no way demeans him. But there are some things I grew up watching others have that I wished I had. I want family dinners at my table, holiday traditions, vacations, a photo for EVERY single thing in their lives I was ever able to capture for them (Mission ACCOMPLISHED). I want them to be able to look back at their childhood with love and incredible memories because when we get older, its really all we have. These years shape who we are and who we become. What we want for our lives and the lives of our future families. If I dont do my job right the first time, the ONLY time I have to get it right, will they want to share their lives with me later?

These 3 little people have helped me heal a massive wound in my soul that unless you are ME, you couldnt or wouldnt understand. Every time they laugh, or even FIGHT. Every time they wrap their arms around me and say "I Love You Mommy", I heal. It is a never ending process. Let's compare it to...ORGAN REMOVAL. You know it's gone, its never coming back, there is no use for it in your system... so it is removed. Either by choice or necessity, but the scar is still there. Everytime you LOOK at the scar you are reminded of what was once there or should be there. It's how you make your next move that matters. I forgive people, but I dont forget. I have to move forward from whatever held me back in the past to be able to give 100% to my children. If I am angry at people my children are suffering. I wont allow that. So I have found quite a few ways to release. I guess Im all over the place with this. But I couldnt sleep, had to just purge. These damn stories of horrific child abuse in the news have my heart sad. Oprah Winfrey said it so perfectly when she said "Biology is the LEAST of what makes someone a mother". I just hope that when I am old and falling apart my children will still seek my advice and support and want "Mom". Until and even THEN, I will still spend every waking moment of my life worrying and loving them.

All I Want For Christmas Is..... A colonoscopy!

Christmas is 2 weeks away.

Im still trying to figure out where the hell 2011 went....

Yeah. I was watching my beloved soaps the other day and a commercial came on - very similar to one they ran a few years back. Only THIS time, the commercial was a woman who was, NO-SHIT, (AND NO PUN INTENDED) urging other women to gift their husbands with a colonoscopy this holiday season. Yes, nothing says Merry Christmas like anal invasion. I giggled, I rewound the DVR about 15 or 16 times and then I thought to myself...This could be THEE best gift EVER! Although something tells me if I presented my husband with an appointment for a colonoscopy he would gladly suggest he return the favor. ::VOMIT::

Im getting ready to send out the Christmas cards. Shopping is almost done, Christmas has officially projectile vomited throughout my house. All is good. I envy the people who can sit and write or type out those end of year letters they enclose with their cards. I cant do it. I'm lucky if I remember to throw a bra on before I leave the house, let alone the events that took place over a span of 365 days. If I did send a letter it wouldnt be much... probably go a lil summmm' like DIS:

Happy Holidays Friends and Family,

Hubby still hates his job, we need new carpet and the dog sheds like a mother fucker. I learned how to make my own buttermilk, the kids are good - one decided to rip a chunk of the dry wall out, the boys bond over farts, soft dart machine guns, and their disgust for Justin Beiber. Our Little Princess handed me her own shit the other day. I suppose you have figured out by now that all three provide me with epic Springer-like insanity on a daily basis. My father is not aging gracefully and I have tonsil stones. Other than that, not much to report on the homefront.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, dont forget to return the .44 cent favor.

The Jakubowski's

~

So be thankful this holiday season when you recieve the card I had to do over and over with the pictures I had to take over and over, separately, of my fabulously uncooperative children, and don't get "the letter".

Because.............. WE A WHOLE BOX OF CRAZY!

Till next time chitlins.

Miss Me? Yeah, Me Too...

A sign of life. That's right. I'm alive... I realize you've had absolutely no evidence of this the last few weeks and well, I am sorry.

They say life is what happens to you when you've already made plans. Life, like SHIT - Happens. I have been unable to blog. I am DEEP in the luciousness that is Autumn and well, this broad simply doesnt have time. 

:::GASPS::::
Halloween. Samhain.

It's in FULL THROTTLE bitches. And my home literally looks as though it has projectile vomited in it. Words cannot describe the love I have for Autumn. I mean I would be slap happy if it were like this all year round. Is there anything more beautiful on the planet than the colors, scents and activities offered by this season? Didnt think so and shame on you for even thinking otherwise.

I can't promise that with kids, and life in general that I'll be as frequent as I was, BUT I am going to be focusing more on my writing. And I think the first nugget I should write is a letter to WHOMEVER would be responsible for putting a MOTHER EFFING TRADER JOE'S IN NORTHWEST INDIANA. I mean WTF?!?! I do 99.9% of my grocery shopping there. Are the folks of NW Indiana "less than"? Do we not deserve a natural or organic foods market near us? Bastards. Joe is a BASTARD. So I drop midget #1 off at school and take midgets #2 and #3 with me. Midget #2 is currently on a kick where he must announce the temperature as well as the direction and speed the vehicle is traveling at pretty much every 5 to 10 minutes. Midget #3 was unusually happy and decided to sing the entire theme song to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse the ENTIRE drive. AT THE TOP OF HER LITTLE LUNGS.  I should note the song is maybe 1 minute long. But for the 30 minute drive - I was COMMANDED to listen to it. Insanity is brewing even before I get to the store. I hate shopping with my children. It's a sad, pathetic day in your life when you become excited to get dressed, and go out on a Friday night after 9 because you are............... GOING TO THE FUCKING GROCERY STORE. But I <3 it. It's "ME" time.

NOT WITH KIDS. They want to test all the samples, sniff all the vegetables and breads and sample juices and use their own "carts" (BTW, whoever thought it was cute to make a mini "shopper in training" cart should be strapped inside of one and pushed off a cliff. I can't tell you how many displays my kid has crashed into trying to fill the ridiculously tiny basket with things we werent buying or even needed...) Then my daughter begins a major demonic possession over a fruit snack she couldnt eat RIGHT THIS MINUTE. Midget #2 has to use the bathroom. And when I say "use the bathroom" I dont mean "tinkle".... I mean this was one of those "OPEN THE DOOR WITH YOUR PANTS AROUND YOUR ANKLES" and plead with Mom to come "HELP PLEASE?" potty breaks. It was... well, LOVELY. So I have to leave the one kid in the cart and pray to THE GOOD LORD that she doesnt unbuckle and fall out of the cart while I race into the potty hoping not to see peen and trying not to GAG at the overwhelming odor of what left my 5-year-olds tail end.

Once that was over, I then race through the store and get what I need and get the HELL out before the mid-morning meltdown (She's got a cold so she's not sleeping right and naptime is all over the place) Miserable. JUST miserable. Then I get in line behind some chick who failed to properly bag her melons and left them dangling near her navel and my ever inquisitive 5-year-old announces loudly "Whats wrong with her Uh...THINGIES?" YES - even he noticed. It was enough to make you want to slam a bottle of Pepto-Bismol. 

Even with the alarming nature of this picture, I can assure you what I saw was much worse.

I suddenly went deaf in the checkout line, oblivious to my daughter leaning over and shoving candy bars into the neck of her jacket, blinded to the fact that my 5-year-old was doing the Moonwalk and knocked over a fresh plant display and saw flashes of me punching the cashier in the face for smiling so much. Why was she irritating me so? I mean I suppose she could have been rude and ignorant and I would have complained and threatened to have her job by sundown. This woman did nothing wrong but be pleasant and I wanted to elevate her through the front window "Terminator" style. Between the Joker faced cashier, the demonic children and the woman with mudflap boobies to her kneecaps, I went a little Sybil. But I will continue this trip every 2 weeks.

Because I am a Trader Joe's Whore.

I guess I could do all my shopping at Super-Walmart. Which I should have you know, has their own group of bra-less wonders wandering the isles late at night too.

Wal-Mart. I love and HATE Wal-Mart. The whole concept of this store intrigues me. Sure, Im all about "falling prices" but do you trust that piece of "fine jewlery" you just bought an isle over from the deli meat? Yeah.... consider that folks. And while I am a total hypocrite and will continue to shop there until the end of time, I just figured you all should be aware that I will know your fine jewlery was, infact, purchased here.

Until we meet again....

TOODLES!

"People... The "H" Is Silent"

This...

IS NOT MY GARDEN.

The owner of this garden is highly pretentious. She is married to a man she only sees on the weekends. She spends her time with fabulous gay men that I wish I could spend my time with. They party every weekend while crostini toasts on the grill as they sip potent whiskey sours, and fabulous martini's and play card games. The garden belongs to Ina Garten. You may know her cackling, wheezing ass, as the Barefoot Contessa and I am disgustingly jealous of her. I do not live in the Hamptons, and my husband is not the Dean of a College, so, therefore we took our garden down a few thousand notches and did it Cedartucky style. THIS folks, is the garden I aspire to have one day. Protected from nibbling rabbits and other pesky creatures... Everything grows gorgeously and that heffa is in WALKING DISTANCE from the finest selection of fruits (yes, she has her own orchard on her property - EYE ROLL) vegetables and herbs whenever she wants it. I hate her. And yet... I love her. But this post isnt about Ina and her "fabulousness". Its about Sandra and her lack....of.

I love, love, LOVE the fragrance and texture of........herbs! Grow your own if you can in a window box or basket garden, or pots on the window sill. You are even luckier if you have the ability to grow them in your very own garden. And in Sandra's neck of the woods, she does just that. I'm a herb pusher! For other uses, not just in foods. I really dislike the use of over the counter medicines for alot of ailments, and turn to natural remedies first. This year I discovered ORANGE MINT.. Yes people ORANGE MINT - I had never heard of such a thing, but I bought it, planted it and you know what? Its FABULOUS. I am going to try and coat some of the leaves in chocolate as a snack and see if my kids will eat them. Im also looking forward to making an orange steeped tea and using them in there as well. I will see how it goes..

All herbs impart an additional vibrance to the food you cook. With practice, you'll start using your favorites in everything and will instinctively know which herb goes into the cooking  pot!

**As always, check for interactions with medications and side effects for people with medical conditions.**

Basil, sweet- Use with mushrooms, in eggs,cheese and fish dishes.
Basil, perennial- For flavoring eggs, fish,game meats, pork,beef, chicken, shell fish and salads
Catnip ( catmint)- Leaves used in preparing herbal tea. Cat drug (!)
Chervil- Use young leaves, fresh or dried, in tomato sauce, light cream sauce
Chives- Use where mild onion flavor is desired. Good in eggs, sauces, salads and cheese spread/sauce.
Coriander- Ground seeds used in breads, cookies, cheese sauce and  vegetable soup like squash or pumpkin.
Dill- Use in soups, salads, cream cheese,eggs and fish.
Garlic- Used for bread, combined in butter for spread,salads, sauces,soups, in meats, poultry, fish. Roast whole  in 'paper' and peel off clove, squeeze out garlic paste on cracker or bread.
Hyssop- tender young leaves used in flavoring fruits,pies,salads, soups, stews, drinks.
Lavender- Flavoring for beverages and jellies; flowers used for perfume.
Sweet Marjoram- Flavoring of salads,meats, stuffing,fish and poultry.
Orange Bergamont Mint-use in meats,mint jelly and iced drinks.
Oregano- tomato sauce, Mexican dishes,Italian dishes, shellfish,salad and meats.
Parsley- Use as garnish in salads and soups, in cooked meats.
Pennyroyal- Makes a bland salad taste slightly bitter.Use sparingly.
Peppermint- Use sparingly as garnish on fruit cocktails, cold beverages,salads. Makes good herbal tea.
Pineapple Mint- Used in meats. Refreshing slightly fruity taste.
Sage- Use to season meats, sausage,stuffing.
Summer Savory- Use in beans,egg dishes,cream sauce,all poultry.
Sorrel- Use sparingly in green salads.
Tansy- Use in baked fish, meat pies,or egg dishes.
Tarragon- For salads and in dressings, fish, poultry,delicious in sauces.
Thyme- Use in meats,wild game, fish, as herbal tea ( sedative effect)


So there you have it. Plant some herbs....dont smoke 'em. PEACE!

I'm Beginning To Make Charlie Sheen Seem Normal...

At the age of 22-ISHHHHHHHH, my shell cracked and I discovered Paganism. Like me, Paganism is loose. ::cough:: Well, lets rephrase that. Its less etched in the Religions that have come before me. I am more connected to my own understanding that labels can interfere with understanding that the "Source", the "All Mighty", the true nature of Divinity is something that is beyond human comprehension. My journey is about finding the joy and meaning in the moments that involve caring for my family, that involve being aware of the  changes in Nature, simply being grateful every day even when it is a struggle to think of anything to be grateful for which is often sometimes. That makes me feel totally ungrateful. But being a SAHM will make you a loose cannon.

Life is hard. I don’t need to tell you that. Tons of unrewarded work, unacknowledged effort, unbearable grief, uexpected pain, chaos and tragedy...But it also brings moments of joy, wonder, beauty and great peace if you allow it. But what happens when our well runs dry?? What happens when (due to bad luck, illness, depression, WHATEVS) we wake up one day and realize that we wouldn’t recognize a moment of joy if it jumped up and bit us on our flabby ass? I still fight with this today. I am using the tools I need, to free myself from it. As with everything........ it takes time.

NOONE can say that we are the person we were 10 or 20 years ago, I can honestly say that I do not even recognize the person that stares back at me from the mirror some days. But another part of it originates in my belief that some people's love for me has limits. Some may think I’m weird. Not weird and wacky and wonderful, just plain weird … in a way that makes them uncomfortable, a way that makes them want to smoosh the weirdness out of me. I admit - there are times when I have let them. I stopped sharing much about my life or my feelings.I stopped opening my mouth on topics that related to religion or politics or anything else I felt would be hacked apart. Why? Fed up with being insulted. Great depression and anxiety, all my sense of spiritual awakenness (thank you Oprah) feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness- well they are all Sandra's doing.

I try, at the very least to make half-hearted efforts, to live the life of my dreams as much as possible from where I am. I have felt such freedom since I hit 30. I dont know what it is - I cant explain it, I can't show you, or draw it for you or anything. I just feel it. And it flows. For me, this never ending process is nothing short of mystical and amazing. What a relief, to be washed clean of the past...allthe time that blocks true living. Yeah I did things and yeah other times I had things done to me. But absolutely no decision I have made was a "bad" one, because those are the lessons that have carried me to a better life. Period. Move On.

I share these thoughts because I need too. I let folks in and allow them to weaken me with their judgments; It got to the point where I had to say to myself, "Ok yeah it would be nice if everyone had a good opinion of me, but what IS it inside of me that STILL is making me feel as if I NEED acceptance???" I mean, it's not as if these people could shove their hands inside me and rearrange my emotion. I had to do that. I think Im doin pretty good. If I accept my choices and who I am becoming and feel good about them, then other peoples opinions mean nothing. 10 years ago, I couldnt even imagine myself feeling this way, let alone saying it.. sharing it. I am a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter and totally embracing the woman I have become and continue to become. This whole struggle of an identity - Who are you really? Who will you become? Will you be ok with what you WONT be? What you WONT HAVE?  But Im not 21 anymore.

And you know...that's some good shit.

Blessings